Sexual addiction chat rooms
It was one of the many factors that began to fuel an online sex addiction. It affected my ability to feel safe with myself because I felt so out-of-control. My sex addiction also affected my life in that it has given me the opportunity to really deal with my pain.
How old am I: I'm 47 years old
Service for: Hetero
What I like to listen: Blues
I like piercing: None
Rivest Ph. I went to bed early. He stayed up.
Somewhere about 2AM I noticed he was not in bed. I roamed through the darkness of the house. I found him in his usual spot, his basement office. The blue green glow of the computer made him look diseased.
What is cyber sex?
The Internet has become the newest, most rapidly growing form of sexual acting out for many sex addicts. The internet fills a need for "more, easier and better. The Internet just happens to provide many of the things sex addicts seek, all in one place: isolation, secrecy, fantasy material, endless variety, around-the-clock availability, instant accessibility and a rapid means of returning, low or no cost.
Sex addicts on the Internet often experience a rapid progression of their addiction. The new sexual thrills lead to spending huge amounts of time, moving more quickly into more extreme behaviors, taking greater risks, and getting caught more frequently.
Thus, internet sex has been referred to as the "crack cocaine" of sex addiction. Sexual addition is extremely destructive, both to the individual and to the marriage partner. The most difficult marital problems today are Internet pornography adultery, and sexual fantasy.
Most women feel that pornography is akin to adultery. They feel that this fantasy behavior threatens the marriage and their self esteem. Most feel betrayed, defiled and abused in the same way that one might feel after an affair. Most women report a loss of security in their relationship and believe that they have been living a lie. They feel that the future of the marriage is at risk, many want to leave the marriage.
Sexual addition can happen to both men and women.
The beginning of most sexual addictions are formed long before adulthood, so the addictions are carried into marriage. The sexual addict is a person who tries to use sex to fill non-sexual needs. Sex becomes not an expression of love in a mature relationship, but rather a compulsive and often highly ritualized response to the emotional stresses of life. Sexual addiction, like most other additions, is a way of running away from lifeeven for a moment.
It is a vehicle for stress relief. But since it does not actually solve any problems or ease emotional pain the original problems are still there and now the addiction has created even more problems. The addict feels shame about what he or she is doing.
The sex addict more and more comes to live a double life.
If you are in relationship with someone you think is sexually addicted, your efforts to help may be actually adding to the problem. Sex addicts usually choose relationships with partners who unconsciously fit right into the addictive patterns. For example, typically the sex addict keeps on returning again and again to the sexually addictive behaviors and the partner accepts what is going on, or overlooks clues that would suggest something is wrong, or threatens to leave but doesn't or leaves and returns when the addict promises to change, only to learn sexual addiction chat rooms the addict did not stopor takes responsibility for trying to control the addict's behavior.
None of these strategies work and actually add to the problem. What the partner has to realize is that she or he needs help too in order to get out of her or his own addictive habits. A phrase that is used to describe a woman or a man in relationship with a sexual addict is a codependent of a sex addict, or co-addict. Schneider points out that the co-addict's self esteem comes from her success as a people-pleaser.
Her main goal in life is to try to figure out what her partner wants, and then give it to him. To assure success at pleasing, she may become extremely sensitive to the momentary mood of her partner.
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She may constantly worry about what he thinks about her and try extremely hard not to make a mistake. Because of these self-defeating characteristics, the co-addict usually is much more in tune with what someone else wants than with her own wants and needs.
The underlying reason for such a belief is the co-addict's conviction that no one could love her for herself, just as she is, that she must earn love and devotion. The energy expended on such an endeavor can take a heavy toll on the co-addict as she tries repeatedly and unsuccessfully to "keep her man happy. The co-addict, in an effort to please the addict, may do the following things. Or she may perform sex acts that are unpleasant or repulsive to her, or attend events that shock and confuse her, swing with others, or expose herself to sexually sexual addiction chat rooms diseases.
To "please and keep her man" the co-addict will often attempt to become indispensable to the addict. Not surprisingly, with the need to be indispensable, the co-addict's most constant emotional state is one of fear. The list includes such beliefs as I was afraid I wasn't woman enough for him; I was afraid I could never please him sexually; I was afraid there was something wrong with me; I was afraid I was a pervert; I was afraid that I wouldn't protect my kids if they were being hurt by him; I was afraid of his anger; I was afraid he would give me a disease.
Living with such fears inevitably le the co-addict to attempt to control the addict's behavior. Her unconscious rationale for this is that if she can keep him within certain parameters of behavior, she won't have to experience her fears of inadequacy and of being abandoned, In reality, such attempts are about as effective as trying to keep the dam from bursting by running around and sticking a finger in the many holes that keep appearing.
Nevertheless, the co-addict repeatedly attempts to control the addict with such behaviors as calling or beeping him several times a day in order to find out where he is; checking his wallet for tell-tale evidence; going through credit card bills; checking his shirts for lipstick smudges or his dirty underwear for s of semen; throwing away pornographic material.
Neither works; nor does anything else she tries. Eventually the secret life of the sexual addict is discovered and the couple experiences a tremendous crisis.
Often, the sexual addict will then enter a period of extreme remorse, beg for forgiveness, and promise never to act out again. His promises at the time are probably sincere and most co-addicts want to believe the words. A honeymoon period may follow, including intense sexual activity between the two people.
Since, for the co-addict, sex is often a of love, she may be lulled into believing everything is really all right, offer forgiveness and bind up her wounded spirit and go on. She is later shattered to discover the uned for time and secrecy has returned.
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Spending increasing amounts of online time focused on sexual or romantic intrigue or involvement. Failed attempts to cut back on frequency of online or Internet sexual and romantic involvement or interaction.
Online use interferes with work tired or late due to night's use, online while at work, etc. Online use interferes with primary relationships e.
Engaging in fantasy online acts or experiences which would be illegal if carried out e. Engaging with sexual or romantic partners met online, while also involved in marital or other primary relationship. Increasing complaints and concern from family or friends about the amount of time spent online. Frequently becoming angry or extremely irritable when asked to give up online involvement to engage with partners, family or friends. Primary focus of sexual or romantic life becomes increasingly related to computer activity including pornographic CD-ROM use.
Internet provides portal to porn
Visit the author at: St. Our purpose is to help people everywhere find great counselors and psychologists. Everyone can have a new start in life. Read here for more info. Michael Rivest, Ph. Theravive does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
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With the increasing popularity of the Internet and the easy availability of pornographic websites, cyber sex addiction is becoming a problem.
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