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Forgot your password? By kc2 hours ago in Curious About Swinging? By Fi86December 31, in Dress to Impress! Posted 18 minutes ago. I can't speak to whether playing alone first is common or not.
Though, I doubt it is. For my wife and I, we played together for some time before solo dates began happening. I think that what underpins this is the strength of your relationship.
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That said, even though I have that in spades with my wife, the first time she went on a solo date I was a jittery mess. I was absolutely nervous as hell the entire evening. Most people note that swinging is a shared experience. Some couples refuse to do solo dates for this very reason. But, solo dates can work. For us, the "reclaiming sex" when she comes home is rather intense, as we make love while she tells me what she did with the other man. I would suggest that if your wife isn't willing to be completely open with her experiences having sex with another man and you can discuss this beforehandthen the two of you might not be ready for it yet.
I know some people would find it very hard to accept their spouse having sex with someone else, have their spouse come home, and then be left in the dark about what happened. I wouldn't accept it.
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Swinging IS a shared experience, and if I can't relish in the telling the events of her evening I would feel distinctly left out. That way le to damage to the relationship. Either you're open, or you're not. If you're not, swinging is a recipe for disaster. Nowadays, my wife going on a solo date is not unusual.
She has had a couple of regular boyfriends over the years, and going out with them was hardly unusual. She'd always share with me where she was going to be, and share the details when she got home. It works well for us. Part of it is that through these years we've had a couple of kids at home they're almost at the point of leaving nowand the reality is that getting time for both of us to get away has often been difficult to do.
My wife also enjoys playing solo for the same reason your wife seems to have; it is a different experience to be able to focus solely on the guy than to have some of her focus diverted to me. Posted 30 minutes ago. For us, it's when I asked my wife what would you do for a million dollars. Then I said, "Would you have sex with a stranger?
I jokingly said sure, "all except for another guy's cock being inside you. In context, we each had only one sex partner before getting married.
So for my Christian brain, the ease of her answering that question, rocked me like I never imagined. After much silence, I blirted out "I can't believe how much that turns me on! So how did you guys start?
How did you take your next step. How did you reconcile your traditions, religion, feelings of jealousy, fear, melded with lust and excitement. I'm sure I'm reinventing the wheel by asking these questions and some folks have already helpedin their responses to my other posts. Thank you for sharing your experiences and kindly reading mine.
I've learned so much from you guys already. On not being able to understand why the idea of your wife having sex with someone else turns you on; I've had the same 'problem'.
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My wife and I first got into swinging 13 years ago. I too get very excited about my wife having sex with other men. I did at the beginning and I still do to this day. I can't explain it either.
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I actively tried for a few years to try to untangle my own psychology behind that, and couldn't. I just couldn't figure it out. I eventually concluded that I never would figure it out. I just gave up trying to do so. I love my wife having sex with other men.
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I love watching her do so, I love her going off on solo dates and coming back and telling me about it. I love her calling me from a hotel room telling me she's about to jump in bed with another man. I love having threesomes with her and getting to have sex with her right after another man has cum inside of her. I don't suggest you give up trying to puzzle this out, but sharing my experience that I did give up after a lot of effort. I embrace that I love it.
All of our upbringing and I was raised Christian as well teaches us this is wrong. It's against morals, against expectations of a stable, happy marriage. It's got to be cheating, right?
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It's got to be adultery, right? I don't view it as adultery. This was a hard bridge for me to cross. Part of it is that the way the Bible lays out adultery, it's far more of a sin for a woman than it is for a man. Women in this case are possessions that are being spoiled; that's what adultery means literally. I don't like the inequality of this. So, you could say, "Ok, so it's a sin equally for both". That's a potentially valid response. For me, the next step in that was looking at sin and the impacts of it. So, what Where is the victim? There isn't one. Nobody is being harmed. If your relationship is strong, deeply communicative, and stable, there's a very high chance your relationship will be enhanced by swinging, and not hurt.
So, the two of you aren't victimized by your own actions.
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If you are careful to play with couples in a similar situation or singles who are truly single, then likewise there is no harm being committed. If there is no harm, then where is the sin? I could talk for a while about this. Feel free to hit me up in private messages here if you like. The short of it, in the long run, is that swinging hasn't ever harmed us nor to our knowledge any of those with whom we have played. It also has had a wonderful, positive impact on our relationship and our lives.
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Ok so what started it for us? An old girlfriend of mine, my best friend at the time, and I had one rather fun evening where my best friend and I ended up masturbating over my naked girlfriend. No touching ever happened between my best friend and my girlfriend, but I relished the idea of that happening.
It was never repeated, though I wish it had been.
Years later, I dated and slept with a married woman who was in an open marriage and who had the permission of her husband. I knew her husband as well, and were always friendly. That didn't last all that long, but again it was a window into a different way of living. Fast forward to dating my wife, and in the telling of our past relationships I shared those events with her.
She stated very unequivocally that this was of no interest to her, and felt that the married woman had cheated on her husband, even though I had explained that no cheating had happened as he was in the know and approved. That was ok with me; I wasn't interested in having an open relationship with my wife. I was just sharing my past. Fast forward to us being married six years; at this point I would have bet a million bucks that she would never, ever consider an open marriage even for a second.
Now, she loves massage. I mean really loves massage. She describes massage as "almost as good as sex". I've joked before that she needs Hans and Franz as full time masseurs for her. Out of the blue, she says something along the lines of that having two men to massage her at once would be quite enjoyable.
This was the catalyst that started the ball rolling. I couldn't believe she'd said that.
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